Where Dreams Take Me

             Uncle Evan stood right beside me all those years

Let me dream of things from long ago,
Let my mind tonight wander and go,
Back to the old places I have been,
To be with the one who's now unseen.

May I dream of you as the moon ascends,
Let us share laughter before the night ends,
Grant this longing heart just one brief moment,
To have vision of you alive and present.

Let me hear your serious but hilarious joke,

Amuse this sad heart that your passing once broke,

Teach me your skills and tips on how to cook,

Or anything I won't learn from any book.

Dreams reopen the portal built in between,

To possibly see all that we have been, 

To experience former things once again,

To be with someone I have been missing.

 

To where you are, dreams would assure me to take,

Though reality unfolds the morning I wake,

But imaginations could never lessen ache,

Because your memory is my heart's keepsake.  

Loneliest

The loneliest road I'll always take, 

Is the one that leads me to your grave,

I come to see and touch once again,

Only your tombstone and picture frame.

The loneliest words I tearfully read,

Are the verses of your epitaph engraved,

The well-carved inscription that sadly states

In loving memory of someone great.

I’ve known what ‘loneliest’ means when you’re gone,

The world has wept in loss of a good man,

But that happens when life’s purpose is done,

Your soul returns to our Creator’s hand. 

just missing my Uncle Evan who died 4 months ago :( 

If Only I Could

(Dedicated to my Uncle Evan)
created : 08-4-2013 2:30 am



If only I could just smile with every thought of you,
And gladly recall the good times we have been through,
Without shedding sad tears today or tomorrow,
Unwrap this fragile heart from despair and sorrow.

If only I could control my mind from flashing back,
Those poignant scenes, I would opt to remain unlocked,
If it’s possible to reverse the hands of clock,
I'd freeze the moment before you breathed your last.

If only I could command my heart not to weep,
I’d send out words that my mind might also heed,
To plow out roots of grief that’s been buried deep,
But to the ground sadness tightens its grip.

If only I could ask for a replay of events,
Beside your deathbed I would have my presence,
To cradle you in my arms one moment more,
Wish I could have said Goodbye, I love you Uncle.

Healing - a lifetime process

The past is where we store all our troubles, disappointments, failures, losses and pains. We live at present to start life anew as we try to forget the things and situations that hurt us terribly. We go through tough healing process that every tomorrow promises to extend whenever we are still wounded and broken. 

Life is an uphill climb, there's always struggles. We strenuously and persistently move upward regardless of how rocky and steep the path is. Along our exhausting journey, we are pained and wounded by different kinds of obstacles but we never stop ascending. As we pause sometimes to breathe and relax, we tend to cure our bruises and injuries so as to continue this life's indefinitely-long trek. 

Despite what we experienced through the way we have passed, we are still determined to go up and get closer to the top. Sometimes we may look back to realize how far we have gone and compliment ourselves for what we have accomplished. As we recall the former things and experiences we have left behind, we either smile or cry. We smile at those which caused scars that completely faded but we still cry at those which traces of wounds have not disappeared yet. For this, I realize that HEALING IS A LIFETIME PROCESS. As we continue to live, we are bound to get hurt and suffer pain again and again. Time heals all our wounds one at a time and surely each will find cure depending on its depth and damage.

(My uncle's death was the most painful memory that bothers me all the time. Whenever we bring it up in our daily conversations, I always find myself wiping tears from my eyes. In this life, that's the deepest wound I ever had. I just hope & pray God will heal me, I mean us....all of us who love and miss him so much)

Your Life (Evan "Bobong" Mendoza)

After more than 13 years of battling cancer, Uncle Evan faced defeat and died. He's gone but his legacy continues and his memory lives on. He will be remembered as a good person who has lived a purpose-driven life. He has touched and inspired the lives of many. God loves him and so we all do. We miss him!

This is my second poem dedicated to Uncle Evan.

Dear Uncle Evan

          
        Today, a month after you passed away, I let my mind take a stroll down memory lane as it recalls the time when I rushed to take an urgent trip from Bohol where I was supposed to pursue my schooling. I cried a bucket of tears while crossing the sea towards CDO aboard Superferry just to be present on the day of your operation. I chose to stay and spend more time with you as one of your doctors divulged that you were terminally ill with only 3 months left to live, but with God's mercy you continued to live longer than the given term.  Since the time you have miraculously survived from your first major operation due to colon cancer, we always look forward to celebrating each year that passes by. We often mark the calendar whenever your birthday approaches and when that specific date comes, we never forget to gather together and feast on some foods as we all thank the Lord for giving you another year, another chance to live and serve Him best. This has become our family's habit for 13 years.

        All those years, seeing you strong, healthy and safe is our joy; laughing at your serious but hilarious jokes and tasting your savory recipes are what we enjoyed most and NOW WE TERRIBLY MISSED.

        Early this year, we're haunted by the same fear that threatened us years ago, but it's more alarming & dreadful the second time around. You have laid on your hospital bed because of colon cancer complications. Successive operations made you weaker, thinner and pale. Our joy turned into sorrow but our faith remained unmoved as well as our hope. So as to sustain your costly prolonged medication, we begged for financial support from anyone who would be willing to help as we're already buried in debt - a lot of people, institutions and organizations have generously lent what they can afford to give and we are forever grateful to all our relatives, friends, bros & sis in the Lord and even strangers for their fervent prayers and generosity. We have always believed that God will answer our prayers of keeping you well again. BUT AFTER 3 MONTHS ON YOUR SICKBED, YOU FINALLY SUCCUMBED TO CANCER AND IT REALLY HURT  AND LEFT US ALL HEARTBROKEN. 

        God answered our prayers though not in a way we ever wished for, but through our faith and trust, we humbly submit to His will as we tearfully embrace the purpose and reason behind it. God did not take away your sickness for He knows what's best for you. For all the years that you've been battling cancer, He knows how tired you have become. So, he ended your suffering and freed you completely from excruciating pain and bitter sorrow. The 14-year extension to your life was clear enough to see how God loves you, He has given you the rarest chance to repent, live in godliness and store up heavenly treasures. We thank the Lord for His wonderful plans for your life - you were made ready to receive salvation before the time of your death. 

       "THANK YOU UNCLE!" You have loved, inspired, encouraged and taught us how important it is to live and serve God while there's still TIME. We are all grief-stricken upon your untimely death but we are truly glad that you're now at rest, peacefully waiting to receive your glorious reward. YOU WILL FOREVER STAY IN OUR HEARTS AS YOUR MEMORY LIVES ON! Thank you for the unforgettable precious memories! WE MISS & LOVE YOU SO MUCH...

                                                                 Missing You,